Turn Back Time
by KatSumeragi1313
Summary: Set in the Future: Tsuna had no idea he had been setting himself up for failure all these years 5927, 8059


Turn

And for some reason, you can't help but break down and cry heavy tears when the door opens and his fair skinned hands press against etchings in the wood of vines and angels and crushed dreams. Worst of all, his eyes speak for the both of you. He's guilty as sin. Your patron saint of broken desires. Your archangel of unrequited love whom you find yourself kneeling in front of.

"Tenth, please, I—"

"Don't use honorifics because you think I'm angry with you" you snap back.

"Tsuna, I can explain."

"There is nothing to explain." You try to pick yourself up, using the corner of your desk as a crutch for legs that have lost their will to stand. You use the sleeve of your suit to wipe away the tears that will never be as hidden as well as you imagine. "I don't want to walk into any more awkward situations, so I'll be sure to knock next time to avoid ruining your private times." You try to force a smile onto your face but your lips are too numb to part and your teeth grind to powder.

You've frustrated Gokudera beyond the point of no return. You know how Gokudera reacts when you shut him out emotionally and his fists clench and he can't even focus on your eyes anymore. "Do you have any idea how confused I am?"

"Excuse me?"

"How is it that after years of pining for your recognition of my existence and your love, you'll only acknowledge me when I've found a way to move on? I gave you everything I had. I told you I'd never leave your side and I'd be the most faithful mafioso on the fucking planet. You took my presence for granted. You ruined me."

_You have no idea, never, please don't think that_ your mind screams but your body won't comply and stays frozen by Gokudera's words.

"At least Yamamoto will look at me, talk to me, make me feel things I could never imagine feeling. Even if I vowed to never leave your side he would never leave mine. The whole time you were chasing after Kyoko and I was chasing after you, he waited patiently for me to hear his confession and become his."

You feel salty drops rolling down your cheeks again and leaving shameful streaks. How could you have set yourself up for failure so badly?

"Did you mean what you said?" You feel your mouth moving but you know you're not in control anymore. "Do you only love him because he loves you?"

He pauses, and finds the strength to look into your watery eyes again.

You've figured out his pantomimes. Today he is not lying.

"You will always be someone I treasure as a boss. But I don't know if you're the one I love anymore."

Time

And for some reason, when you think you're going to open the door to a busy guardian drowned in paperwork yet ready to receive the stack in your hands, you find the bodies of two men intertwined on the desk surface. You thought you'd hear the faint scribbling of a pen or Gokudera muttering at spelling error, but the only sounds your ears unwillingly pick up are the sounds of hips bucking together and the guardian—_your_ guardian, _your_ Gokudera—pleading for the man above him to never stop, not yet, and his filthiest wishes leave his lips and linger in the air.

But Yamamoto wouldn't stop even at gunpoint. He looks down at the silver-haired man and savors his wanton expression and will keep every unspoken promise to give him the pleasure he yearns for.

And all you can do is wonder when you became invisible, because as you stand there with the most distraught expression, you are a ghost to your subordinates. They're so absorbed by each others' bodies and the love so plastered on their faces that they can't sense your nausea, your visceral shock, your heartache.

And then Yamamoto says something that _really_ makes you want to rip your ear canals from your head and burn them with your own flames.

"I love you, Hayato."

Your body doesn't seem to be getting the message to take a step forward, to cough, to even scream from what is unfolding in front of your eyes. You want to grab Yamamoto by the neck and strangle some of the life and passion out of him. He said his name. His _first_ name. Was he even worthy of letting each letter roll off his tongue? Not intentionally. He'd never do anything to cause you this much pain on purpose.

You'd cross your fingers if the rigor mortis didn't kick in early. You just don't want to hear what your beloved could say next from his chapped lips and lustful eyes. Maybe it's just your imagination running wild. Maybe there is no love to give the baseball player. Maybe he's still letting you hoard all of his devotion.

"I…" he begins and you're already to the brink of your sanity. Say nothing or say something, you think. Just let the waiting end.

"I love you too."

The stack of papers falls from your hand and white sheets cascade on the carpet. Both men look up and see your pale face. You stopped breathing a _long_ time ago. Neither of them knows how to react.

"Tenth, wait!" Gokudera says, with Yamamoto still lodged inside him. Yamamoto can't even find the words.

You dash out of Gokudera's office and try to push back the tears and the shaking of your hands, and you walk back to your office with your head down and only one thing in your mind.

_That should have been me._

Back

And for some reason, on the day that Yamamoto can't shield you from quality time with Gokudera on the way home from school, your face turns twenty shades of red as the other boy

grasps your hand and shouts obscenities and proclamations of devotion into the sunset. Gokudera has no filter in his mind for what to say to you. "You have nothing to fear, you _will_ become the best boss in the world." No pressures there.

But he says something else with his wild eyes that throws you off and makes your heart beat tenfold. "I'm never going to leave your side, Tenth. No matter what happens I will always be with you, and you will always have me."

You love hearing those words so much more than you'd ever let on. The thought of Gokudera remaining so faithfully near you sends fireworks through your body and it goes to the point where you can't even think a coherent thought and can only focus on this strange being who considers you worthy enough to worship.

But you're too scared to admit it. You couldn't just tell him this to his face.

But someday you will.

So for now you decide it would be best to pretend to be interested in someone else. Let him think you still have a crush on Kyoko. Hide from him that he's the one who keeps you from sleeping each night. Never tell him he's the only one in your heart.

And for some reason, you think maybe it's best that way. Maybe someday he'll figure out you aren't so worthy of his love.


End file.
